There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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