I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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