A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
