Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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