i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
