After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So much rum. So many feels.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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