i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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