If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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