his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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