You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
