First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I love you.
Bad choice
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
