playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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