I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
