google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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