I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't deserve a penis
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
