just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
