he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
