Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
