Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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