It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
