Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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