i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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