two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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