Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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