Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
