You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
