thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
