Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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