u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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