I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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