We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
