I feel great
I just peed on a car
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
