hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
