Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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