she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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