You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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