This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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