Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
