hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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