i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
