xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
