i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
