My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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