bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
