Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
