Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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