Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
