So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
