I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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