ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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