I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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