I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
