Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
please don't ironically join a cult
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