Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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