Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
