Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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