Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
