Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
