i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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