Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
