I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
