she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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