me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
No stitches, just platelets and will power
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
