singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
