You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
