My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
